Emissions Tests are de Debil.

When I bought my most recent car, the first car I’ve ever bought from a dealership (and probably the last… fuckers), the “service engine soon” idiot light went on as I was driving home from the dealership. Like, within the first block.

I, being the idiot I am, did not immediately turn it around and tell them to go fuck themselves. I was already having a really bad day. I had to get rid of my old car, Morgan, which I loved, because it would not pass the fucking emissions test, and getting it fixed was prohibitively expensive. Also, gas was going up, up, up, and I needed something with better fuel efficiency.

So, anyway. The “service engine soon” light has been on in my current vehicle since I bought it a couple years ago.

This month, I got my emissions test notice. Oh joy. It says that if the “check engine” light is on, they will automatically fail it. Great. So I have to go pay a mechanic to turn the fucking light off for me. Probably gonna cost $60-$80 just to get that light turned off.

I drive to my local mechanic of choice, and hey! They have a sign: “Free Engine Light Diagnostic Test! $80 Value!”, so I’m like “sweet! At least I won’t have to pay for that, just whatever needs actual fixing!” They can’t get me in that night, so I make an appointment for the next day.

The next morning, as I am driving to work… the “service engine soon” light? Turns off.

I take it in anyway, because I assume it’s just a glitch or something. Yes, I checked to make sure the bulb wasn’t burned out. It wasn’t.

The mechanic tells me that there was a problem with the evaporator valve or something, according to the computer, but that whatever it was seems to have worked itself out and is no longer a problem. The odds of this seem astronomically unlikely to me, but he assures me that the computer doesn’t lie. Suuure. He could replace the valve, but since there’s nothing wrong with it, that seems silly. So, all he can do is reset the computer. Once he’s done this, I have to drive the car for several days until it’s recalibrated or some shit, before I can take it in to the emissions testing facility.

For this, he only charged me $50.

I swear to gawd, if that light comes on before I get to the testing station, you, reading this right now, will be able to hear me screaming from wherever you are when it happens.

**EDIT, 3/19/09**

Did you hear it? Right after work, I thought “Hm… should I go get the emissions test done now, or wait until tomorrow morning?” As soon as I thought about it, BAM! The light came back on.

Mother. Fucker.

Now I have to go BACK to the garage for the THIRD time and pay them AGAIN to fix whatever is *still* wrong with the fucking thing, because they couldn’t be bothered to figure it out and fix it the first damn time. MOTHER. FUCKER.



~ by oberon the fool on March 18, 2009.

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