Yellowcab Nightmare

Staying at a resort, the outer walls of my ground floor suite are glass, giving me a panoramic view of the rolling green fields surrounding the lodge. The fields are populated with flocks of swa-ine, chimerical creatures both porcine and cygnine. I watch them gambol as I unpack my things in the well appointed room.

Then a huge, bright saffron pterasaur with a fifteen foot wingspan swoops out of the sky and beings ravaging the terrified swa-ine, grabbing them in its scissorlike, serrated jaws and flinging them like ragdolls about the grassy sward. Their shrieks of terror are upsetting, and punctuated by the shrill skreeonk! of the monster itself, loud enough to rattle the windows and make me feel distinctly unsafe.

“I see you’ve met Yellowcab Nightmare” says the bellhop, bringing the last of my luggage in. “Don’t worry, he can’t see you through the glass, and he couldn’t even scratch it if he tried. Keeps the varmint population down, though, and the tourists just love ‘im.”

Later, I am down at the cafeteria, grabbing a bite to eat before the conference I am here to attend. I bump into Glenda-as-Anahita MacGregor, and she is upset that the cafeteria attendant won’t let her pay for her cocoa, because she’s the guest of honor at the conference. I have no such qualms about trading on my status as a guest speaker to secure free cocoa, and I am on my way to the register when Geoff Raye passes by and remarks that the stick of gold lipstick he is holding “isn’t just for show”. I’m not sure what he means, but as if to prove a point, he kisses me on the lips. I don’t really know how to react to this, but I think he was proving that the lipstick wouldn’t transfer from his lips to mine, and therefore is quality cosmetics.

Still later, I return to my room, and CSE Cooney is lying on my bed. I am glad to see her and sit next to her as we start to catch up. Just then, Arminzerella Smith enters, carrying a ceramic dish full of every watch she’s ever owned. She explains that she keeps them in case she needs a spare band or pin to replace a broken one. Suddenly I break into a serenade,

Taaake myyyy baaaand,
Take my whoooole waaatch toooo,
Iiii caaan’t heeelp,
Spending my tiiiime wiiiith youuu.

It was an amazing dream, thanks to all my friends who could join me there ^_^

Sabe Jones, where were you, man? =P


~ by oberon the fool on December 17, 2013.

2 Responses to “Yellowcab Nightmare”

  1. Swa-ine seem like they would be extra-ornery. “One charming motherfuckin’ pig…” + Feathers, Beak & Determined to Destroy. I hope this becomes a musical.

  2. I don’t think they had feathers… as I recall, they had cartoon pink pig bodies with wings and swan necks and heads. They were honestly almost as horrible as Yellowcab itself.

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