Conspiracy

K and I were at a mall, waiting in line to see The Life and Times of Honey Boo-Boo: The Musical, probably because she had to do a presentation on it for the kids. Ron Edwards was also in the line, several people behind us. All day we had been noticing these strange new boxes attached to the tops of telephone poles everywhere, and we were wondering what they were for. I suggested they’d been installed by the government to intercept everyone’s communications, and that they were building an alternate infrastructure that could divert and trap undesirable information or inquiry into their own “shadow internet” that they exclusively controlled. Just then a tall blonde guy in a brown trenchcoat, (looked a bit like John Constantine, now that I think about it) stepped up to me with a grin and tasered me right in the side of the neck. I went down like a poleaxed steer and twitched on the ground for a bit, wondering if, like Mel Gibson, I’d hit too close to the truth with my conspiracy theory.

Eventually I got up and we proceeded into the theater. There were several classes of grade school children at the performance as well. It was predictably horrible, with the role of Honey Boo Boo (whom I know nothing about, having never seen the show) played by an adult woman (I think it was Jelena Jensen) in a gold bikini. It was bizarre and we were mostly ignoring it to play with our various devices (which included an old microcassette recorded that also for some reason took SD cards). At some point there was an intermission or something and the teachers and chaperones started shuffling the kids out for a potty break, at which point several hard looking men entered and approached us, demanding we hand over all our devices and data. We argued with them, claiming it was a violation of our rights, but they would not be deterred. Eventually I left all my gear on my seat, but took the SD card from the cassette recorder, saying “Oh, fine, if you have to search our stuff, go ahead, just don’t steal anything.” and started to leave. The men gave me a look as if to say “we’re not really sure where you got the idea you have any say in the matter, but cut the shit.”

We skipped out on the rest of the performance and returned to K’s place without our devices, and set about making something to eat to calm ourselves down. Suddenly the doorbell started buzzing insistently. K was like “I’m not expecting anybody, are you?”, and I’m like “NO, CUZ IT’S THE GOVERNMENT THEY’RE HERE TO TAKE OUR COMPUTERS AND PROBABLY KILL US OMFG WHAT DO WE DO!” and we started running around the house and panicking and then the doorbell turned out to be my alarm and I woke up.

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~ by oberon the fool on January 12, 2014.

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